Downward Panting Dog

Week 28, Reagan loses all ability to breath as if she is in any form of shape or just simply mobile at this point.

That's funny, no where in What to Expect When You're Expecting do they go into detail about what occurs when your son/daughter gets so big they actually begin to squash your lungs leaving you sounding like a panting dog after doing the simplest tasks.  Exaggeration you may shout.  I accept your challenge.

Scene 1:
With a barricade of pillows surrounding me that you couldn't find me in my own bed if you tried, I wake up with an urge to pee---the one where your bladder says, "You better get the hell up because your daughter just finished her dance party to Criss Cross' Jump Jump, and you have twenty seconds before I explode."  I shall get up then I say...insert attempt to roll out of bed #1.  I shall get up then I say...insert attempt #2.  Damn it.  After a good solid roll from the right to the left side I gain enough momentum to exit the pillow fort and take the 10, yes count them, 10 steps to my bathroom.  I sit down and here is what I sound like from the bathroom
http://youtu.be/3oquLcAusUY
...all the while draining what should be a full bladder, but only amounts to about a shot glass of pee.

Ahhh shots, what it was once like to be 21...but I digress.

Scene 2:
Setting: Couch in living room with Reagan sitting on one side, Daniel on the other.
Reagan-Babe, can I lay down and put my feet on your lap?
Daniel- Sure
Reagan- maneuvers herself from sitting position to laying position (this takes about 20 seconds).
Daniel-You doing okay over there?
Reagan-Yah, why?
Daniel- Um, just curious, because you are like taking four breaths to my one, just wanted to make sure you weren't going to overheat.
Reagan- Shut up.
Daniel- Do you need an oxygen tank?
Reagan- ......
---it's not like you don't know what I say here!

Scene 3
I drop a grape on the kitchen floor.  I bend over to get it.
http://youtu.be/3oquLcAusUY


Namaste.