Toilet Paper Bandit

Hi, my name is Reagan----and I am a peeaholic.

I went through an entire roll of toilet paper in 24 hours.

I have no idea how this is humanly possible, nor do I have any idea how my pipes have not backed up and forced me to call a plumber.  I know a good one though, so that's good.

I left school today at 4:20, peed before I left.  Got to my chiropractor appointment at 4:35, had to pee before the adjustment.  I peed after the adjustment, guess he adjusted my bladder too.  I made it to Target ten minutes later where I peed.  I grabbed a big bag of candy for my students (okay whatever some of it was for me, back off)...I had to park the cart outside the bathroom to pee again before checking out.  Calm down cashier, I am not stealing the stuff in the cart, I will come back----but so help me God if you stop me, you will be getting a mop and a Caution sign to mark the spot I just dampened.

Since being home, I have now been caught in our master bathroom and the guest bathroom mid stream, just to look down and see there is no toilet paper on the roll.  Apparently the pregnancy brain allows me to forget to refill.  Damn it.

I wonder if I can put toilet paper on my registry?  Angel Soft is my favorite if you are reading this and feeling the need to donate to my TP for ME fund.

The doctor keeps saying, "Gosh, she is just right on your bladder....I mean she really has her head down squishing the crap out of it."  Yes, thank you doctor, I hadn't noticed that every time my child moves, I nearly piss myself, so I appreciate you confirming that.

Last week a student of mine walked into the classroom (she is a tad spacey).  She stepped on my toe (hurt like hell), which caused me to bend over in pain, then her head ran into my stomach.  Ergo...I peed my pants.  This is a true story.  The little girl responds, "Ah Mrs. Allegri, your belly ran right in my head, dang."

I wanted to respond, "Don't PISS me off."

Pun intended.  Much love and hapPEEness.
~Reagan